How to Handle Parenting Advice Without Losing Your Mind

As a new mom, you’re going to get a lot of advice. Some of it will come unsolicited from well-meaning (or not-so-well-meaning) people. Other times, you’ll actively seek it out—through blogs, books, social media, Pinterest, or friends and family. The sheer volume of parenting advice can be overwhelming, sometimes even paralyzing. It’s easy to feel like you’re doing everything wrong, leading to unnecessary anxiety or guilt. But here’s the truth: the fact that you’re seeking advice already proves you’re a great mom. You care. You’re trying. And that’s enough.

You will make mistakes. You’ll adjust, reevaluate, and try again. That’s part of the journey. It’s messy, beautiful, confusing, difficult, joyful, and completely worth it. You are creating your own path. And like anything in nature, growth is never stagnant—it's a process of change, trial, and error.

Now that you (hopefully) feel a little more confident in your journey, let’s talk about how to filter through all the advice without losing your sanity.

1. Don’t take advice from pushy or condescending people.

If someone makes you feel inferior, stupid, or like they have all the answers, nod politely, say “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” and then do whatever feels right for you.

The most confident know-it-alls are often the most uninformed. They usually haven’t read, studied, or explored other perspectives—they just know their way and assume it’s the only way. But the more you truly learn, the more you realize there’s no single “right” answer. So be cautious about taking advice from people who refuse to acknowledge nuance or make you feel guilty for parenting differently than they do.  Just wait until they have another child and they realize that their way isn't perfect.  Having children can be a very humbling experience.  

2. Seek advice from people who are actually succeeding.

Look at the person giving you advice. Do they have the kind of family dynamic you’d like to create? Do their children seem happy, well-adjusted, and healthy? Are they the type of person you aspire to be?

You wouldn’t ask a plumber to invest your money—so don’t ask someone struggling in their own parenting journey for guidance. Of course, no one is perfect, and there are exceptions to this rule, but in general, seek wisdom from those who have walked the path successfully.  This is true when seeking any advice, parenting or not.  

3. If it doesn’t sit right with you, don’t do it.

Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for one family may not work for another, and that’s okay.

One mom might run a tight ship—kids up at 6 AM, perfectly groomed, and following a structured schedule. Another mom might embrace a slower, more creative routine with messy hair and spontaneous adventures. Both can be amazing parents. Both can raise happy, well-loved, and well-adjusted kids.

The key is making sure your parenting choices align with your values and abilities. A family with two working parents is not going to look the same as a family with a stay at home parent and one working parent.  A family with a single parent will again be very different.  Work with what you have, and know that your goals can be accomplished with creativity, support, persistence, and love. 

4. You don’t have to do things the way your family (or in-laws) did.

You and your spouse are creating a new family. You get to take the best traditions from both sides and create new ones that work for you.

If your mother-in-law keeps offering (or insisting on) unwanted advice, let your husband handle that conversation. He can gently remind her that you’re doing what feels right for your family.  

One caveat:  Maybe she is concerned about your children running unsupervised around her house breaking things and that's why she's giving you advice.  If that's the case, define what she needs from you (like respecting her house and keeping it safe) and talk to her about how that goal can be accomplished.  Maybe you realize your child is at an age where they like to destroy things and her house is full of breakables.  Meeting at a park or your house might be a better option until you can teach your child how to control their destructive urges.  Or, maybe your mother-in-law can baby proof her house and put away her breakables until your child is older and more responsible.  Having healthy discussions and finding solutions will go a long way in keeping the family peace and helping your child look good to their grandparents. 

5. Keep a running list of ideas and discuss them with your spouse.

Save interesting tips and advice in a Pinterest board, Google Doc, or journal. Some ideas may work, some won’t—and that’s okay! Discuss them with your spouse so you’re both on the same page, and support each other through the process.

Remember, both of your DNAs are in your children. Your partner may have valuable insights based on their own upbringing that could help you find the right approach.

6. Parenting is trial and error—embrace the experiments.

When people ask me what I did with my neuroscience degree, I tell them that I had children so I could do experiments on them.  That always gets a laugh.  I enjoy being a mother and my husband is able to provide for us, so I didn't go to medical school or work.  I went to mommy school instead.  But there is a grain of truth in my comment, moms do experiment.  You should try out different ideas and methods, see what works, and adjust as needed. If something doesn’t work for your child or your family dynamic, scrap it and try something else.

The key is to focus on your priorities—Tackle one area at a time instead of trying to fix everything at once. And don’t give up—you will find what works for your unique child and family.

Final Thoughts: You Were Meant for This.

I firmly believe that our children are sent to us for a reason. You are exactly the parent your child needs.

No expert, book, or blog (including mine!) knows your child better than you and your spouse. You have the instincts. You have the ability to figure this out, even when it feels impossible.

So don’t stress over advice. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and trust yourself. One step at a time, one decision at a time—you are enough.